Being 100% Responsible for My Life

2018 was a phenomenal year of transformation for me by all measures.

I started the year struggling with burnout, no longer being at my best in a job I had so deeply loved. And went on to fulfill on some of my greatest accomplishments including:

• completing a 25 year transition to a career/business in people development,
• starting a relationship with the love of my life after being single for over a decade,
• learning just what it takes to live love as a practice in all areas of my life (which was my intention for 2018), and
• discovering my deepest source of personal power.

I consider myself a lifelong learner and have invested heavily in my own personal and leadership development over the last 30 years.

But what I discovered in 2018 is just how important it is to take responsibility not just for my actions but for the soundtrack that is running in the background of my life.

As I worked through some of my biggest challenges of 2018 and got clearer on my deepest aspirations, I started paying closer attention to the soundtrack of scarcity, separation and self-doubt that would get louder and more all consuming as I moved towards my vision.

I noticed that often times rather than deal with the dissonance, I would resort to my comfort zone, where the soundtrack would quiet down — at least for a little while. Once I noticed this pattern, I made it my number one job to take responsibility for restoring my power anytime the soundtrack started to play.

Developing Your Own Creative Soundtrack

When facing a goal or challenge, it’s natural to experience self-doubt, fear and thoughts of scarcity. This is part of our drive for self-preservation and survival. Doubt and fear aren’t a problem.

Personal power, though, is about seeing yourself as responsible for, rather than at the effect of your life. It’s about creating your life in every moment — no matter what challenges arise — as opposed to reacting your way through it.

Here are some essential practices that I use to take responsibility for my life and switch my soundtrack from problem to possibility, scarcity to sufficiency, lack to love:

1. Put a stake in the ground for something that excites and scares you. I saw a coffee mug in the office this week that said “You didn’t wake up to be mediocre.” Do things that stretch you. When I put a stake in the ground for something bigger, it doesn’t just bring me closer to my aspirations, it challenges and disrupts me in ways I’m never prepared for. I’ve learned that that’s a good thing. This helps us uncover our blind spots and all the hidden ways that we’ve been holding ourselves back.
   
   
2. Start your day with a soundtrack of possibility. We have a tendency to live each day as a continuation of the one before, as if we’re an extra in someone else’s movie, waiting to see how the plot will unfold. The truth is you are the director. You have the power to recreate your life in any moment. First thing in the morning, before your feet hit the ground is an ideal time to declare a new possibility for the day ahead. In particular, address the areas where the soundtrack of scarcity and separation have been playing the loudest. What would be possible if you let go of your assumptions and fears from the past?
   
   
3. Get out of your head and into your body. We’ve been conditioned to rely on our thoughts and feelings as decision-making tools. But I’ve noticed that most of my thoughts and feelings are based on my skewed interpretations of the past and therefore not an accurate barometer of future outcomes. Am I feeling fear and avoiding a particular action because it’s not aligned with my purpose and values, or am I unconsciously trying to stay in my comfort zone to avoid the risk of looking bad or failing? It’s not always obvious. I use a Kundalini Yoga practice to quiet the mind, open my heart and awaken my creativity and will, which creates a strong foundation for the next practice.
   
   
4. Take bold action. Are you in the arena grappling with life or spending time on the sidelines trying to strategize and plan your way through it? Living life on the sidelines, shouting your opinions, thoughts and judgments at the other “players” may reduce your sense of risk and vulnerability, but it also keeps you playing small and robs you of the richness of your experiences. There’s no right, or even wrong way to do life. Experiment often. Take creative risks. Get comfortable with being in the arena, falling down and learning how to pick yourself up in any circumstance. You’ll come to know and grow yourself as fully empowered and resilient, and even surprise yourself with results that were previously in the realm of the impossible for you.
   
   
5. Be a learner above all else. If you’re not learning as much from your pursuits and failures as you are from your accomplishments, you may not have enough stretch in your life. Disrupt yourself for continual learning and growth.
   
   
6. Get comfortable with vulnerability. It didn’t take me 25 years to transition to people development because I was lacking the skills and experience. It took me that long because I set it up in my mind that if I failed at the work I was most passionate about it would be worse than death. Now that I’m in the arena full-time, I realize that I’d rather be in action doing the thing I love, even if I fail sometimes, than sitting on the sidelines trying to get it right before entering the arena at all.
   
   
7. Hold your point of view as one possibility rather than the truth. We’re experts at spinning our own soundtrack of scarcity and separation as though it were reality and then feeling like we need to defend ourselves against people or situations that threaten our way of being and thinking. Notice when you’re making yourself or others wrong. When you’re more committed to being right than being in relationship, you avoid being responsible for your life and block the flow of love and learning.
   
   
8. Make space in your life for disruptive differences. Can you be with people whose thoughts, ideas and ways of being differ from yours? Notice the difference it makes when you’re able to listen and be with the differences of others without feeling threatened by them.
   
   
9. End your day with gratitude and acceptance. Take stock of the victories and achievements, the missteps and failures with an orientation of acceptance and responsibility. This is how we learn and grow. If there are upsets and unsaids from the day before that need to be addressed, plan to address them asap from a place of responsibility and possibility rather than from the fear of how you think it’s going to go based on experiences of the past.

Whatever your vision or resolutions for 2019, when you hold yourself as 100% responsible, you’ll realize that you’re already fully empowered and have everything you need to create the life you truly desire.