Thank you to last night’s wonderful WiT Regatta panel on How Do You Motivate Your Team? First, Lead Yourself!

Self-Leadership Mastery is a topic near and dear to my heart. 30 years ago when I was navigating my first really important corporate job, we were still in the era of top down outside in leadership. I didn’t feel like I could be my authentic self at work. At that time, I didn’t understand what self-leadership meant and I how could better use it to show up as my full authentic self. Being professional somehow became synonymous with leaving my heart and soul at the door.

I can still recall how I went from feeling passionate and purposeful in the first six months of that role to becoming more and more disengaged and disheartened over the next 18 months. Ending the disengagement cycle and helping people living into their highest and best expression at work is why I do what I do today. So it felt like a full circle moment to be talking with the WiT Regatta panel about the importance of self-awareness, authenticity, empathy, clear intention and fostering real connections and relationships in leading ourselves and others.

We also touched on the practice of self-leadership as a way of navigating the disappearing line between work and life, in an environment of social divisiveness and disinformation, while living with the strain, isolation and uncertainty of a pandemic.

Some of the practices that came to the top were spending time in nature, setting healthy boundaries (work in progress), speaking up for what’s needed, showing empathy for others and being intentional about checking in and nurturing your relationships in these challenging times.

One of my favourite questions of the night was, “Can there be such a thing as having too much empathy?” As the question came late in the conversation, we didn’t get deep into the discussion but this is a question that’s at the heart of authentic self-leadership.

I define authentic leadership as leading from the intersection of power, love and presence —the sweet spot between using:

• your innate power and agency to direct your life and career with intention and purpose,
• your drive for love and belonging to foster unity and connection and restore a sense of wholeness, and
• your self-awareness to stay present to the greater possibility of life without armouring up or descending into hurt, resignation and cynicism.

This formulation of Authentic Leadership is based on the work of Theologian, Dr. Paul Tillich who defined:

• Power as the drive of every living being to self-realize with increasing intensity and extensity, and
• Love as the drive for unity and connection. 

When power and love (masculine and feminine energies) are integrated and working together they are generative. But when we have power without love, or love without power it leads to personal, relational, institutional and societal breakdowns. 

In the words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. who did his Ph.D. under Paul Tillich

“Power properly understood is nothing but the ability to achieve purpose. It is the strength required to bring about social, political, and economic change. . . . And one of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been contrasted as opposites—polar opposites—so that love is identified with the resignation of power, and power with the denial of love. Now we’ve got to get this thing right. What [we need to realize is] that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. . . . It is precisely this collision of immoral power with powerless morality which constitutes the major crisis of our time.”

So back to the question about “too much empathy,” there is an art to integrating our caring and nurturing tendencies with intention and purposeful practice. Sometimes the most empathetic thing we can do is to listen deeply for understanding and then remind someone of their innate power, wholeness and potential. And help them find their way back.

If you want additional support in developing your authentic self-leadership practice, you can grab my free guide on Owning It @ Work – The definitive guide to stepping into your authentic leadership, so you can make the impact and income you’re here to make and thrive in the process.